transcribed from livejournal, originally posted: 23 May 2006 @ 10:18 pm
Odd feeling. I'm not sure whether to like it or hate it.
I'm listening to Blue October and it's makeing me bizarrely contemplatively depressed (I need 2 mood tags in here!). Or, at any rate, that's the best way I can describe it.
I'm familiar with the song's mood. Been there, yada yada. But, if there were something I could somehow impress upon the narrator I'd say simply, the only time you have no worth is when you believe it. And that doesn't say enough, because it leaves out all the good stuff that I can't express.
So I'm sitting here feeling the echoes of past emotion, angst, worthlessness, etc, and thinking about how wrong they all are. While seeing in my mind's eye (ech, cliche) this mirror of myself crying through the radio. Hence, odd feeling. Maybe it happens to everyone as they grow older. This is all new to me though. Maybe I just haven't gotten enough sleep lately.
And tangentially, I'm internally chastising myself for half-reveling in the echoes of emotion past, telling myself that my present circumstances leave no room for such ideas. Because after all, how can I raise a child to believe in themself if I can't do the same? Confused and tangled tonight, which is probably why I'm here to try and make sense of it.
Current Mood: angst hope
Current Music: Blue October "Hate me"
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